Short Story: "It's not me"

I slept that night and woke up late in the morning. I looked into the mirror and screamed, cried, yelled "It's not me" .

"It's just not me."

I collected myself together with great difficult, and dragged my feet to the washroom. As my hands got busy carrying out the routine tasks;  I was able to focus on my mind and the million thoughts running therein.

The news I had received the previous evening had made my mind go numb. All my dreams were shattered, my life had come to a standstill. I had no hope left and probably, nobody had any hope from me.

It's not me. It's just not me. It can't be me.

Wasn't I the topper for 10 continuous years in school? Wasn't I the role model and inspiration for all my younger cousins? Wasn't I the Star of the Family?

Then how could I fail?

I, who didn't know the meaning of "failure" till yesterday, had failed. Miserably failed. Not just one, but I had failed in "all" the subjects of the semester.

It was just too much for my mind to process.
It was too overwhelming and humiliating to accept.

I came out from the washroom and collapsed on the sofa. In an desperate attempt to distract myself, I picked up my cellphone and started to thoughtlessly browse through various social networking apps.

It's then that I happened to open Tumblr. I started to read the inspirational quotes there, hoping that it would ignite a spark within me.

And I came across "THE" quote…

"If the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall, you will only reach the dead end faster."

I felt a spark within me as I read that!

Wrong Wall…

Dead End…

Had I chosen the wrong course?
Was it something I really was passionate about?
Had I chosen it on my own interest or was it forced on me?
Had I given in peer and societal pressure and suppressed my own dreams and aspirations?

Energised by the new spark, I got up and went out to the garden. 

Meditating for a while in the calm and peaceful atmosphere made the spark develop into a flame of guidance and clarity.